Supporting teens in troubled times
Ivy Griffin
It's no secret that being a teenager is hard. In fact, acknowledging this has been a practical cliché for generations. Mental and emotional stressors originating in biology—growth and change across late childhood and adolescence—are understandably important factors. But so are environmental factors, the pressures put on teens by social forces like education, the economy, technology, and increased connectivity to an uncertain world.
Mental health is top-of-mind among teens, with one recent poll demonstrating that, out of a host of issues troubling adolescents, mental health topped the list, with 30% identifying it as their #1 problem. More broadly, teens and young people are voicing significant anxiety about the state of their lives and pessimism about the future of society.
As adults living in the same society and struggling with many similar concerns - financial stress; bleak headlines; and emotional concerns like depression, anxiety, grief and trauma—how might we show up for our teens? The following are a few possible considerations.
Don't take them at face-value. No, you don't need to be a mind-reader or overthink everything they do and say. But it's important to remember that your teen is not in stasis. What they show outwardly may not represent what they're thinking and feeling inside. For example, while social media use is ubiquitous among teens, generally growing or remaining consistent in recent years (more than a third report using it "almost constantly"*), teens also identify it as the biggest source of mental health issues.* Your teen may be open to alternative ways of communicating or passing time, and your openness and creativity as a caring adult may help to identify such alternatives.
Be kind to yourself. Almost as important as the "whats" we provide them are the "hows" we model for them. One response to the rise in pessimism and distress amongst our teens could be to kick our parenting into overdrive: more discipline; more structure; more money, energy and time. But it's also important to take sustainability into consideration. What messages do we send to our teens by bending over backwards or constantly valuing others' gratification at the expense of our own health? Modeling effective self-care and balance could demonstrate to your teen the importance of setting and maintaining boundaries, of valuing rest and fun in addition to discipline and work.
Understand—and demonstrate—your own values. It’s obvious that adolescence is a time of confusion, rebellion and change. As your teen's primary or secondary caregiver, the way you approach life is basically their "plan A," the jumping-off point on their journey to differentiation and individuality. But if your own values are inconsistently demonstrated or dimly understood, it could make it that much harder for your teen to understand their place in a world they are already approaching with trepidation.
Warmly,
Joe Boyle, APCC #10514
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/joe-boyle
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/new-clients