IT’S REALLY HARD BEING A SENSITIVE PERSON . . . IN A NOT-SO-SENSITIVE WORLD.

Have you ever been told “you’re too sensitive”?

Or, have friends, family, coworkers, or even managers told you to:

• toughen up

• let things go

• grow a thicker skin

• stop crying

• shake it off

• not let things get to you so much

• stop overanalyzing it

These are really common messages highly sensitive people (hsps) or empaths hear from friends, family, and all kinds of well-intentioned and some not-so-well-intentioned people.

All these messages can make you believe there’s something wrong with you that needs to be fixed.

We know otherwise. We’d love to help you embrace your strengths and refine your tools to deal with the challenges that life throws at you.

What does it mean to be highly sensitive?

Being highly sensitive is not a diagnosis. You’ll find no mention of it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual V (DSM-V), which is the professional resource for diagnosing mental health concerns. Sensitivity, instead, is becoming increasingly recognized as a personality trait and as part of a person’s innate temperament, much like being naturally extraverted, even-tempered, or independent.

While this trait of sensitivity can look a little different for everyone, it includes some fundamental elements. People who are highly sensitive notice A LOT about the world around them, including:

• The 5 senses - You truly enjoy your sensory experiences, and you are sometimes very overstimulated by light, sound, smell, touch/texture and taste.

• Strong emotions - You may feel an abundance of joy or excitement, and you can be equally consumed by sadness or disappointment. In fact, sensitive folks report more frequent and more intense emotional experiences.

• Other people - You’re very empathetic and tend to be especially attuned to the mood in a room, other peoples’ feelings, or even noticing subtle changes in a friend or coworker, like recognizing their half-hearted smile or slumped shoulders indicating they’re having a rough day.

• Themselves - You may be a perfectionist and might worry a lot about how you’re performing or about disappointing other people. Interestingly, hsps tend to perform more poorly when they are being closely observed due to their heightened sensitivity to such observation.

While these characteristics can add so much richness and complexity to life on the one hand, they can leave you feeling stressed, completely overwhelmed, and like you want to hide from the world.

If you are tired of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with yourself and are ready to find some peace, we'd love to support your growth in therapy.

A brief history of sensitivity

Historically, being highly sensitive may have been referred to as being neurotic or “hysterical.” Thankfully, we’ve gotten away from these horrible words with so many negative connotations! Believe it or not, sensitivity can be a tremendous strength. While a lot of research on the trait of sensitivity is still emerging, we now know that as much as

20-30% OF THE GLOBAL POPULATION has been identified as highly sensitive.

There are a whole LOT of us! So,

1. YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

2. YOU EXIST FOR A REASON.

Things don’t happen this commonly by accident. We have evolved to be sensitive. We serve an evolutionary purpose in the survival of the human species.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Consider why. Having people in a group who were especially observant about changes, whether it be a shift in weather or building tension among a group, could help prevent and resolve problems before they got out of hand. Likewise, in modern day, the trait of sensitivity can be incredibly beneficial to businesses, organizations, individuals and even our own family, friends, and communities.

common struggles for hsps

Anxiety

It’s no surprise that our deeply thinking brains can be pretty skilled at worrying. All of that overanalyzing can come out in the form of:

• What if . . .?

• Did I do that right?

• Are they mad, disappointed, upset with me?

• Am I in trouble?

• Did I hurt their feelings?

This worrying may wake you up at 3am, may have the butterflies feeling like they’re going to fly right your of our stomach, or have your whole body feeling so tense that you get even more frequent headaches or body aches and pains.

Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)

From research, we know that highly sensitive people who experience a positive environment are more likely to experienced heightened positive effects from that environment. We also know that the opposite is true - hsps who experience a negative environment are likely to be even more negatively impacted.

Since CEN is about not having gotten your emotional needs met most of the time in the family you grew up in - and let’s be honest, as a sensitive person, you’ve got more emotional needs and ups and downs - it makes sense that sensitive folks can really struggle with the fallout from CEN.

Overwhelm, exhaustion, and burnout

Who among us HASN’T struggled with feeling bone-tired, beat down, worn out, and like you had nothing left to give? This kind of overwhelm and burnout is sooo common for highly sensitive people, especially if we get loosey-goosey with our boundaries, self-care, rest, and supports. It’s no wonder that overwhelm is so frequent for sensitive folks.

Depression

All that exhaustion and burnout can turn right into full-on depression. Other factors like your biology, genetic predisposition, or a tough environment you’re in like a toxic workplace may also trigger depression.

Toss in a personal history of not growing up in the most supportive family and being impacted by what your family couldn’t offer. Then, add how you’re a sensitive person witnessing all sorts of global problems on the daily (and sometimes minute-by-minute - argh the blessings and curses of technology). It’s no surprise that depression is a common struggle for sensitive people.

Relationship issues

As a highly sensitive person or empath, you care a lot about other people, and you give a lot in your relationships. But, you may struggle to be assertive, to communicate clearly, in setting and holding boundaries, with not speaking up for what you need, maybe even ignoring what you need until you can’t take it anymore. It’s pretty common that sensitive folks need to work on “turning up the volume” to help you honor your needs and communicate clearly with other people.

Self-esteem and identity

With all those negative messages you’ve probably spent your entire life hearing in mainstream U.S. culture, it’s no wonder you don’t feel so good about you are! Because you’re already a sensitive person, you deeply internalize your experiences and absorb what others tell you . . . sometimes even if those messages turn out to be really wrong. We’d love to help you rewrite this story and embrace all of you.

Trauma

Most of us understand how trauma can impact anyone, regardless of your background or demographics, and how trauma can come in the form of something major like a natural disaster or in the form of more frequent, maybe less apparent stressors like moving frequently or being bullied at work.

What we may not think about is how trauma can uniquely affect highly sensitive people - especially when you recall how we’re more impacted by negative experiences. We’d be honored to support your healing by honoring all of who you are.

How can therapy help?

WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND WHO YOU ARE WITH SELF-COMPASSION, LIFE GETS BETTER.

These things start to happen:

• You enjoy life more.

• You feel more relaxed.

• You feel closer to your friends and loved ones.

• You feel happy, calm, and mindful more of the time.

• You’re able to focus on your goals.

• You know that you are good enough, capable and whole.

If we decide to work together in therapy, we'll be right there with you as you work on growing, learning new tools and moving past your pain. When you work with us, you'll have someone in your corner--fighting through the struggles with you, challenging you when you need to be nudged (or maybe pushed), and offering kindness and caring throughout the whole process. We'll invite you to see yourself as we see you.

Our goal in therapy will be to help you know that you are whole, sensitivities and all.

This knowing allows you to feel more confident, content, joyful, loved and connected, focused, accepting and comfortable in your own skin. We’ll work together to support you in becoming more of who you want to be. And, we’ll work to help you continue your journey knowing that you are deserving, capable and good enough . . . fully knowing that you are whole.

Work with a therapist who understands Highly Sensitive People

While any personality trait comes with a downside, there is also incredible strength and advantage to be found in being highly sensitive. So, if you’d like to explore and deepen your understanding of this complex trait of sensitivity in yourself or in your child (See more about how we work with teens), reach out today. 

Our team is filled with hsps who love supporting other hsps in your journey!

Hsps in-depth

Check out this training Ivy gave to other therapists about how best to support highly sensitive clients. Part 1 covers Ivy’s own HSP story and lots of good facts, research, and details about what it means to be a highly sensitive person. Part 2 dives into common co-occurring mental health issues and my tips for best supporting clients who are HSPs.