Even saying the word ‘grief’ can feel heavy. Grief is something we would all prefer to never have to feel, but we will inevitably experience it at different points in our lives. You might even say grief is a fundamental aspect of being human. Yet, grieving can be incredibly painful and all-consuming. Please know—you don’t have to go through it alone. We’re here for you.

what is grief?

There’s the obvious grief when a friend, family member, loved one, or beloved pet dies, which can be utterly gut and heart-wrenching. This kind of grief can knock us down for long stretches. The death of a colleague, acquaintance, or someone famous can also bring up grief, especially if it was sudden, unexpected, or if they really meant something to you at an important point in your life, like a musician whose song you spent hours listening to.

Then, there are the kinds of grief that we don’t readily think about or even recognize as grief. A break-up or divorce, graduating from school and losing your identity as a student, losing touch with a good friend or a friendship ending, even the loss of our daily interaction with coworkers when we take a new job can all stir up grief. Break-ups (whether a romantic relationship or friendship) and divorces can be incredibly painful and lingering experiences of grieving.

We can even feel grief about happy changes that we wanted, like moving to a new place but saying goodbye to your old haunts, getting married but grieving the loss of your single self, having a child but feeling the loss of your independence.

grief is complex and complicated.

stages of grief related to bereavement, break-ups, and more

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a psychiatrist with expertise in hospice and death and dying, first identified the phases people go through as they grieve. The word “stages” can be a little confusing because these aren’t distinct periods. We often bounce back and forth between them within minutes or hours, and they may last for months or even years. These stages don’t build on one another; rather, they are feelings we may need to go through repeatedly, ad nauseam, to allow ourselves to move through them and not get stuck in the grief.

5 stages:

1. denial: not wanting to think about it, avoiding, pretending like everything is normal, numbness

2. anger: at the unfairness of the loss, at the person who died, at God/a higher power, at the person we blame for the loss, at the world, at ourselves

3. sadness: crying, depression, heartbreak, even numbness

4. bargaining: If only I had ______, this would be better/fixed. If I could just see them again, I’d never/always_____. If this could change, I’d promise to _____.

5. acceptance: finding some sense of peace and acknowledgement with what is (doesn’t mean that you ever have to like it)

highly sensitive people (hsps) and grief

Grief is universal - we all experience it as humans. It’s an inescapable part of life. But for sensitive folks, grief can be even more pronounced. You might find that you grieve longer and harder than your loved ones or that you grieve about things that don’t seem to bother other people very much.

You may even find yourself grieving while you’re simultaneously celebrating - you’re thrilled about your new home at the same time that you’re grieving saying goodbye to where you’ve lived for years. You can’t wait to begin your new career, but you’re grieving the loss of expertise - not to mention your coworkers and the connections you’ve made.

For highly sensitive people, grief can be especially unsettling and can even lead us to doubt ourselves and our decisions - which can trigger a whole other thread of overthinking. It’s rough.

Our therapists understand how tough it can be to manage all these conflicting and confusing emotions. We’d love to help.

Grief is part of life, but grief therapy can help

Yet, it can be deeply painful. And, our culture isn’t very good about allowing for or understanding grief, which can make it feel even more isolating and overwhelming.

We’re Grief Counselors in Sacramento and online throughout california

You don’t have to go through this alone. We’ll walk with you and provide space for you to feel however you need to, and we’ll support you in moving through this pain. Just reach out.