It's okay to feel ALL the feels (and what to do with them)
Ivy Griffin
This is such a bizarre and difficult time. I debated about whether to be one more source writing about COVID-19 and “shelter in place,” but I realized how could I not? All of our lives have changed dramatically in the last 4 weeks and continue to be impacted daily. It’s hard to believe that even when I wrote last month’s article, life was mostly proceeding as “normal.” Now, for the time being, our lives have shifted in ways most of us would have never imagined, and it makes sense that this change colors everything currently.
As highly sensitive people (HSPs), of course, we feel these changes deeply and intensely. Many of us take comfort in routine and knowing what to expect, and we can feel really thrown off kilter when those go out the window. We also care deeply about others, and hearing or reading the news about how real people are being affected can be completely overwhelming. Add to that how we’re feeling our own grief about cancelled plans and events we looked forward to, the loss of our regular social connections and support, and even our very sense of normalcy, and it’s a recipe for some intense emotions.
How do we begin to manage all of this?
First, let yourself feel however you feel. Believe it or not, feelings will shift and change, even the ones that seem utterly overpowering. Allowing yourself to feel them actually prevents you from being overtaken by them. I really like the imagery of a wave. Waves can get really big and even turn into tsunamis, but they do all crash and then recede. Sometimes riding the wave may mean staying in bed, not getting a chore accomplished, journaling, crying, or just continuing what you need to do while acknowledging the feeling. How can you give yourself permission to ride the waves?
Understand that ALL sorts of feelings are NORMAL. Since the quarantine started, I have felt everything from numbness, low energy, and lack of motivation to utter sadness (that heavy, mind-body-soul consuming sadness) to anger and irritability to confusion to anxiety to humor and hope to relief about having more downtime and lessened expectations. Some days I vacillate between all kinds of emotions and other days one or two linger. Please know that however you are feeling is normal. It’s okay. You’re not broken or failing. You’re responding to a very difficult situation in your deeply caring, thoughtful, sensitive way. And, if you’re feeling pretty good and enjoying the time at home, that’s normal too.
Try to find some comforting mantras. Mine are “This is temporary.” “This too shall pass.” “Just focus on today.” and “What can I control?”
Give yourself positive things to look forward to. I know, this can feel MUCH harder, given all the current limitations. However, we know there are still positives. Are you looking forward to finishing that great book you’re reading? Getting out in the sunshine for a walk? Making your favorite meal or getting take-out from a fav restaurant? Gardening? Drawing or painting? Listening to an album or artist you love? Eating gelato or some homemade cookies? Playing video games? Working on that jigsaw puzzle? Giving yourself a mani/pedi? Finally teaching yourself how to knit or working on your French? Going to a local park? I’ve even planned a couple of long weekends for late summer that can easily be cancelled, if needed, but I feel hopeful and encouraged thinking of the possibilities.
Keep perspective. Sometimes it’s helpful to remember that humans have dealt with and survived all kinds of horrible situations throughout history. Comparing the quarantine to World War II or the Great Depression or you-name-it helps me be thankful for all that we do have--the internet, healthy and tasty food, clean water, electricity, a safe home, snuggly pets, clean air, the ability to connect with loved ones whether over the phone, Zoom, texting, or social media, etc. What are you thankful for?
Practice mindfulness. This is a great tool for slowing down and focusing on the present moment. You can stream a yoga video on YouTube, listen to a guided meditation, sit and focus on the sensations of breathing for 5 minutes, practice slowy and consciously eating your food so that you use your 5 senses to fully enjoy each bite. I’ve been finding it helpful to listen to a guided meditation every night before bed (and sometimes in the morning too) to help me ground myself, connect with some sense of calm and stability, and focus more on the present.
Move your body. Exercise is great for anxiety and irritability! Both of these emotions can create a lot of energy that needs to be expelled. You can go for a walk or jog or bike ride, do yoga, stream a workout video of your choice on YouTube or Amazon Prime, garden, clean the house. (If I’m feeling pretty upset, I even like to imagine that I’m stepping on the problem that’s bothering me as I go.) The key is to get your body moving, which releases endorphins to help improve your mood, and to get out that unhelpful energy.
Connect with people you care about. We need our social connections now as much as ever. Try to find ways that work for you to stay in touch with your loved ones, whether it’s a regular phone call or text or a Netflix watch party or a FaceTime “happy hour” or game date. (Don’t have FaceTime? You can get a free Zoom account for 40 minutes at a time.) You can get creative and play games like Yahtzee over video, download the “Charades” app (and just cover up the video of yourself with a sticky note when it’s your turn), or play online multiplayer games like “Ticket to Ride” or “Mysterium.” (Even if you're not a gamer--like me--you might still really enjoy these!) For online games, put your gaming buddy on speaker phone so you can chat as you play. Plus, I’m sure there are tons more options I haven’t heard of yet!
I hope this list offers encouragement and inspires you to get creative with ways to make life good enough right now. I wish you all peace and health and comfort and joy as we make our way through this quarantine together.
Of course, if you need some extra support, we’re here for you. Plus, we’re starting up a 4 week Anxiety Support Group. Check it out, and fill out the contact form if it speaks to you.
All the best,
Ivy
Ivy Griffin, LMFT # 51714, Director
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
1614 X St., Suite A
Sacramento, CA 95818
916-287-3430
ivy@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com