Parenting in this time of pandemic

Parenting is already such a challenge, let alone parenting a teenager when you’re all stuck at home. Both parents and teens may feel overwhelmed by the amount of time together without the typical outlets of work or school with friends and colleagues. On top of that, we may be dealing with boredom, fear, irritability, and grief as we navigate complex losses resulting from the pandemic. Regardless of our individual situations, we all need support in navigating these unprecedented circumstances. 

Firstly, this may be a good time to reexamine the rules of the house. Consequences that you may have used in the past may not work in this situation. For example, sending your teen to their room or restricting them from going outside may feel different knowing that you will all be under the same roof for an unknown length of time. Discussing as a family what the rules are for this unique time and exploring appropriate consequences can be helpful for everyone.

Talk with your teen. In addition to discussing with your teen that things may be different around the house while you’re sheltering-in-place and that certain rules may change, you can also let them know that you’d like to hear from them what they might find helpful during this time or ideas they may have about activities to try. Normalize and validate their feelings and share your own. As a family, you can brainstorm about helpful routines and coping practices.

As identity formation is one of the most important tasks during our teenage years, many teens may be dealing with complex grief around loss of social contact and celebrating milestones at school like Senior Ball and graduation. Having regular discussions with your kids can be an opportunity to share thoughts and feelings about how life has changed and can also be an opportunity to have a bit of normalcy in uncertain times. Playing games, working on a project, watching a movie or a show, or cooking together can all be opportunities to connect and can give everyone a greater sense of security. 

Finally, know that all of the feelings we may be experiencing at this time are normal and that as long we’re not hurting ourselves or each other, it’s okay to express them. It’s also okay for family members to take space when needed and reconnect afterward when they’re feeling calmer. And remember that nobody is perfect and everybody deals with things a little differently. We don’t have to agree all the time in order to care for one another and enjoy quality time together.  

Best wishes as we go through this unusual time!
Ileana

Ileana Arganda-Stevens, AMFT #99821 
Supervised by Ivy Griffin, LMFT #51714 
Thrive Therapy & Counseling 
1614 X St., Suite A Sacramento, CA 95818 
916-287-3430 
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
ileana@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com

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