Graduation and Transitioning to Young Adulthood
Ivy Griffin
For this article I will focus on a topic that for many parents can be exciting, turbulent, and sometimes sad and conflicting. While we know that the goal of raising children is to prepare them for adulthood, this transition can feel like a mixed bag at times. Even if your child is living at home after graduation, there is often a shift in tone, routine, and expectations that can be stressful for all involved.
My goal for this post is to give you some insight into what your child is going through, and how to support them by facilitating good communication around all the different emotions that can sprout up unexpectedly.
To begin, let's focus on what most teens may be experiencing during this time to boost some empathy and perspective. Friend groups that have been a staple of their lives for the past however-many-years may be suddenly changing or absent depending on who is moving away for college, who is staying nearby, and schedules changing with work or classes. If your child and their friends are going away to college, their peer group may be shifting from a regular physical presence to a less frequent voice on a phone or face on a screen. While this can be comforting in a pinch, it is impossible to ignore that this is going to be a big change.
Your child may also be struggling with more existential and internal conflict that is a normal part of this developmental stage. “What do I want to be when I grow up” suddenly isn’t a question they can push off answering. For teens that have an idea what they want to do, the pressure to succeed when following their own path can be daunting. For others, fears of picking the wrong road or failing once they start can be paralyzing and overwhelming. This period is ripe with self doubt, and the peers they once turned to for connection and shared understanding when struggling in the same math class are now suddenly facing the same unknowns that they are.
On that note, let’s look at how you as a parent might be able to help.
First things first, avoid lecturing and giving unprompted advice or stories from your experience at first. This can set you up for responses like “You just don’t get it!” or worse…. “Things were different way back then.” (Thanks for that dagger to the heart). Instead, show them that you can handle hearing what their experience is like for them and lean on your listening skills.
Ask questions with curiosity and without judgment and reflecting on what you see them going through are powerful tools for helping them feel comfortable opening up. Something like “Sounds like you are really struggling right now” goes a lot further than “When I was your age…” The former is a great way to help them feel seen, while the latter is a good way to get them to shut down.
Once your teen feels heard and like you get them, they may (or may not) ask about your experience growing up. Give them the space to share what is happening in their life right now, because even if there are similarities, their experience is still unique and it is important to honor that. In this way, you will create a sense of understanding that will increase their odds of coming to you in the future when they need guidance and help.
Best wishes to you all,
Ben
Ben Friday, LMFT #122263
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
916-287-3430
hello@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com