There is often a disconnect between the convenience of the modern world and the distress we witness in many of our teens. They have so much knowledge, entertainment, and capability at their fingertips and yet, many of them seem to struggle with overwhelm and paralysis around life tasks and social emotional connection and growth. How do we support them while also helping them to be more capable, confident, connected human beings? Here are 3 ways to build resiliency in teens.
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If you’ve been in a school, at a doctor’s office, or even frequented social media lately, you may have noticed that ADHD has been getting a lot of attention in recent years. While there is a bit of controversy about whether ADHD is over- or under-diagnosed, there’s no question that it’s on a lot of peoples’ minds these days.
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Think about a recent conversation you had with your teenager - especially if the topic was a difficult one to broach or one with a history of tension or conflict. Did it feel tough to “get through” to your teen? Or perhaps the attempt to check in lead to an explosive fight, after which you find yourself seething and thinking (or, let’s face it, yelling) “how dare you talk to me that way!” Everyone has a different approach, or primary style, to navigating communication and conflict. Which one is your teen’s go-to?
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Let’s be honest. Being a teenager right now is hard. You’re coming of age during a time of intense political threat, global challenges, and constant social pressure. The world feels like it’s spinning faster than ever, and somehow, you’re supposed to figure out who you are in the middle of the chaos.
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As our children shift into preteen and teen years, simple things like completing chores, doing tasks that they always did before sometimes become more difficult. You ask them to do something and you get a big fat NO. Oh god, and it’s so frustrating. Any parent can agree I think.
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As a parent, watching your teenager go through a breakup can be heart-wrenching. You want to help, but it’s not clear how to best reach them. It’s important to understand that adolescence is a time of intense emotions which is why a first breakup can feel like the end of the world. Parents play a crucial role in helping teens navigate this challenging time. So, what can you do?
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For any teen, struggling with depression can be overwhelming, and figuring out how to talk to people about it can be daunting. It’s common for anyone struggling with depression to avoid talking to their support system because they are worried about loved ones either overreacting, or being dismissive.
Facing depression alone can intensify feelings of loneliness and isolation making the depression worsen, so identifying trusted supports are key. A trusted support might be a specific parent, teacher, friend or mentor that you feel comfortable opening up to and feel has an ability to be calm, positive and supportive. Don’t be scared to directly state what you need from that person in the start of the conversation i.e., “I just need you to listen,” or “I just need to get this off my chest,” et cetera.
As a therapist I recognize that not everyone is fortunate enough to have trusted supports in their life, or be at a place where they are ready or comfortable to open up. If that is the case, I encourage you to find a space and a method to let out and express things that you’re struggling with in a way that feels authentic for you. Some things to try might be
Find an outlet that fits you and your interests in life. If you feel ready to talk to someone, but don’t feel comfortable confiding in someone currently in your life you might consider giving therapy a try - Therapists are trained to be non-judgmental objective third parties. In case your depression happens to be more severe and you are struggling with self harm or suicidal thoughts you can text or call 988 to be connected with real time professional support.
Warmly,
Megan Bell LMFT #114303
she/her
Have you been finding it hard to motivate yourself to go to and stay in school? More than just your typical I don't want to, because let's keep it real, school isn't always the most fun place to be. If this speaks to you, you are not alone! This experience is called school refusal. School refusal is when a teenager or any school-aged person, consistently refuses to go to school or has difficulty staying in school for the full day. It goes beyond occasional truancy or wanting to skip class occasionally. It often involves intense emotional distress or anxiety related to attending school. This distress can manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or other complaints.
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Dear parents,
Here are answers to more frequently asked questions that often pop up for parents searching for services for their child/teen. I hope these insights can help you as you begin sussing out what you are looking for therapeutically.
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There’s an app for just about everything at this point so it should come as no surprise that there are apps for venting. When it comes to our teens, the idea of letting them venture into yet another unknown social media realm can feel daunting. So here are a few things to keep in mind if your teen asks to download a venting app, or shares that they have.
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Perhaps you have considered medication for your teen or perhaps someone else suggested it might be worth looking into. And maybe on this subject your feelings are mixed, or you have historically been hesitant to consider the idea. I encourage you to explore and consider your resistance- where does it stem from? Was it a bad personal experience, a horror story about a friend or family member that tried, or is it a lack of knowledge on the subject?
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There are many factors to consider when thinking about teen substance use, such as which substances are being used, the environment in which they are used, frequency, and possibly most importantly, the reason they are being used. All of these factors are interrelated and thus must be considered together when trying to understand substance use. For the purposes of this blog however, the focus will be on understanding why teens may use substances and how this impacts development.
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Have you noticed a shift in your teens' day-to-day routine and mood? Getting them out the door for school may feel like the same battle each morning as they tearfully beg you to let them stay home again. You may have noticed your teen is increasingly holed up in their room uninterested in hanging out with friends or more reluctant than usual to join the family. Or maybe you’ve heard your frustrated teen complain about being unable to get to sleep, furthering the challenge of getting them moving in the morning. These behaviors may be signs of underlying anxiety that leave you feeling helpless and desperate for solutions to help get your child feeling like themselves again. If so, here are a few tools for supporting your teen through anxiety…
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Throughout my time in this field, more specifically through my work with teens over the years, I have come to notice the most cyclical struggle that continues to emerge as time goes on is lack of confidence. I tend to see a lot of over-caring what people think in conjunction with wanting to impress others. That being said, I thought I’d take this time to first share what I think are contributing factors to this (sometimes lifelong) dilemma, as well as some tips and tricks on what I feel have been most useful in getting teens out of that funk.
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Is there someone in your life who saw you and could show you the gem that you inherently hold? This is one of the basic needs we experience as human beings. It's natural and normal to want to be surrounded by people who can hold us in a safe and compassionate space. It's deeply imperative for our self development as we continually learn through observing the folks around us (i.e. our parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors, etc). They show us their views and values, what's “acceptable'' or not and how they treat others and how they accept treatment. We begin to interpret this as our truths and frame our way of seeing the world.
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