Accurate and Inaccurate Mirrors
Ivy Griffin
Is there someone in your life who saw you and could show you the gem that you inherently hold? This is one of the basic needs we experience as human beings.
It's natural and normal to want to be surrounded by people who can hold us in a safe and compassionate space. It's deeply imperative for our self development as we continually learn through observing the folks around us (i.e. our parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors, etc). They show us their views and values, what's “acceptable'' or not and how they treat others and how they accept treatment. We begin to interpret this as our truths and frame our way of seeing the world.
Questions like: Is it safe for me in this world? Can I depend on others? What does it feel like to be understood? Are formidable questions that foster our attachments to others and will impact our connections and relationships as the patterns unfold. So what does this mean for you now? Let's break it down.
I want you to take a moment and grab a pen or a pencil and a piece of paper. I want you to draw a circle with 2-5 open rectangles extending all around the circle. Now place your name in the circle and then place the names of other folks in your life who you're surrounded by frequently (best friends, animals, parents, partner etc) at the top of each of these rectangles. At this time, take a moment and add a list of 2-6 descriptions of how you imagine the people you’ve chosen to put in these rectangles see you (loving, funny, shy, curious, talkative, silly, dramatic, etc). Finailly, I want you to take a moment and add to the circle you made with your name in it, how you see yourself.
It's important to know what makes a mirror accurate or inaccurate.
Accurate mirrors are:
Healthy in the moment
Deeply know you
Love you
Now that you've explored which of the individuals in your life are accurate or inaccurate mirrors, I want you to choose two colors to represent the different mirrors and either color in the rectangles or outline it with these colors. It's important to differentiate between the two because having someone who is an accurate mirror will support you in receiving the external validation we all need to experience our truths, while creating a community that supports and honors us. Say you have a really crappy day (you failed a test, had an argument with a loved one, left your game jersey at home, etc). It's crucial to have someone in your corner to help remind you of who you are, especially when you feel clouded by the critic or shame or guilt or any anxiety that you may be feeling. It's also important to note that inaccurate mirrors create messages of the self that are false, based on fear, judgment, misunderstanding, or past wounds. They can foster an image of the self that can be harmful and impact your self-worth. It is also important to know an accurate mirror can be inaccurate at times. Say the person who normally sees you accurately is having a bad day or in a bad mood, they might not be able to see you fully that day, and that's okay.
You can use this visual throughout your experiences in life and whoever enters your journey. It is my hope that even if you have or have had multiple inaccurate mirrors in your life, that you have at least one accurate mirror. We only need one to create security and safety in our heart space. To see and to be seen fully is a gift and one that will foster authenticity and deep connection. Please feel free to reach out and connect with me further if you are interested in exploring this with someone who will do their absolute best to be an accurate mirror for you.
In loving light,
they/them
Dre@thrivetherapyandcounsleing.com
916-287-3430