Supporting my Teen with Anxiety
Ivy Griffin
Have you noticed a shift in your teens' day-to-day routine and mood? Getting them out the door for school may feel like the same battle each morning as they tearfully beg you to let them stay home again. You may have noticed your teen is increasingly holed up in their room uninterested in hanging out with friends or more reluctant than usual to join the family. Or maybe you’ve heard your frustrated teen complain about being unable to get to sleep, furthering the challenge of getting them moving in the morning. These behaviors may be signs of underlying anxiety that leave you feeling helpless and desperate for solutions to help get your child feeling like themselves again. If so, here are a few tools for supporting your teen through anxiety:
Listen: Your teen is the expert on their unique experience of feeling anxiety. While your initial reaction may be to jump into problem solving mode, instead listen and approach from a place of curiosity. Active listening not only allows you a better understanding of what anxiety is for your teen, but the space to process aloud can support them with better understanding and sorting what is happening internally, too.
Respond without a solution: “How do I fix this?!” is often what I hear understandably concerned parents ask. I am careful to not approach anxiety by throwing out ideas, my own experiences with feeling anxious, or tools as these “solutions” can result in your teen quickly tuning out or feeling misunderstood despite being well intentioned. Instead, lean into validating your child’s experience of anxiety. This approach is valuable for allowing your teen to feel heard, and the experience of simply feeling understood often leads to feeling less alone. Another tip for responding: be mindful not to fall into the trap of minimizing your teens feelings. Whether or not their anxiety feels justified or logical in your eyes, these feelings are still valid, real, and can be scary. I find that avoiding words like “just” (“it’s just a test”) or “only” (but there’s only two days of school left this week!”) can help with steering clear of this trap. Through minimizing, we may be invalidating our kid’s feelings and conveying that their emotional experience is inappropriate or insignificant. Alternatively try leaning into understanding their experience by stepping into their shoes, reflecting, and offering empathy.
Positive self-talk: Encouraging positive self-talk interrupts negative thought processes that fuel anxiety and can support your teen with developing increased self confidence. Try modeling positive affirmations like “I am capable!” or “I am strong!”. When positive self talk is regularly practiced, it often becomes reflexive and replaces old patterns of negative, automatic thinking. Finally, incorporate self-compassion into positive dialogue too. Statements like, “It’s okay to feel anxious, this game is very important to me!” honor and validate the presence of anxiety, offer self-kindness, and can decrease anxiety, too.
Anxiety is complex and can feel overwhelming with how to best approach it. If you or your teen are looking for more support, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I am here for you.
Warmly,
Chelsea Crowe
AMFT #129977, APCC # 10396
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/chelsea-crowe
(916) 287-3430