Understanding and Addressing Self-Harm

Self-harm is a scary and uncomfortable topic that is often kept hidden and seen as a shameful secret or as a dramatic attention seeking behavior. However, the more this issue is kept hidden and seen as shameful the longer it is able to persist and go untreated.

The purpose of this blog is to shine some light on self-harm and increase awareness of why teens (or anyone for that matter) would self-harm. Additionally, this blog provides some basic guidance for parents on addressing self-harm with teens.

Self-harm can look like many things, however the most commonly known form is cutting. This is  where small or sometimes large cuts are made with a sharp object, often on the arms, thighs or stomach. Cutting is something that has become somewhat sensationalized amongst teens and therefore can be dismissed as dramatic/ attention seeking behavior. While elements of the dramatics and attention seeking can be a part of self-harm, the issue should never be dismissed or seen as something less than highly problematic. Due to the scary and somewhat sensationalized nature of self-harm it can serve the purpose of allowing a teen to be seen and noticed when they may feel as though their other issues aren’t big enough  to be acknowledged. Self-harm may be seen as a way to get the acknowledgment and validation they seek when other options have seemed ineffective. Due to physiological processes in the body, it may also be seen as a way they can get temporary relief through disconnecting from painful emotions.

In addressing self-harm with a teen one of the most important things to consider is to not shame them but instead come from a place of curiosity and empathy. It is also important to not overreact and panic in the situation. A good approach is to try and have a conversation about what is going on where the parent asks about what might have led to self-harm and why it has been helpful for the teen. When discussing self-harm behavior, be sure to validate what the teen is feeling or what they may have been feeling at the time. We do not want to validate the self-harm behavior so instead we can focus on the emotion or thought that led to the behavior and validate how difficult or painful that feeling must have been. This is a balancing act where we want to be sure to directly address the self-harm without sensationalizing it thus, we direct towards feelings/emotions the teen experienced prior to self-harming and make sure that these are recognized as valid even if the coping behavior was not. 

An additional note: if the self-harm is in any way life threatening or leading to a health issue (i.e. infection, excessive bleeding etc.)  be sure to take the person to the emergency room immediately.The National Suicide Prevention line is 988 and Sacramento 24-hr Crisis Line is (916) 875-1055.

It is essential to understand self-harm as a symptom of a greater problem. It is a means of coping or displaying a deeper struggle that the teen is experiencing emotionally. Seeking additional support for the teen such as therapy, is highly recommended. In therapy the teen can then begin to address the core issue that is manifesting as self-harm behaviors and ideally reach some resolution or find alternate means of coping.  

Warmly,

Paige Roberts, LMFT#129525

Thrive Therapy and Counseling

https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/paige-roberts

916-287-3430