How Judgment & Avoidance Can Lead to Overwhelm
Ivy Griffin
Do you experience cycles of emotional overwhelm? Does it feel like things will be running relatively smoothly and then all-of-a-sudden you’re slammed with anxiety and overwhelm and spend the next few days or weeks trying to recover? You might be thinking “Why can’t I just be normal all the time?” Well I’d like to offer some perspective on what might be contributing to this cycle and how you might break it.
Typically, when people describe this cycle, they’ll say things like “I’ll be doing good for a while, nothing’s going on, and then I’ll do really bad for several days or weeks.” The words we use to describe our emotional experience are our first clue about what might be going on. In this description, the words “good” and “bad” might let us know that there’s some judgment around different feeling states: some are valued and some are devalued. Typically, emotions that signal some sort of discontent with the status quo (sadness, anger, etc.) are devalued in US culture whereas emotions that signal contentment are valued (joy, peace, etc.). We can explore why that might be another time.
Then we have the phrase “nothing’s going on”. This might seem harmless and may genuinely signal a state of contentment at times but when it’s part of a cycle of anxiety and overwhelm, we can look a bit closer. If we consider the emotional devaluement we identified earlier, “nothing’s going on” might signal a period of emotional avoidance or denial. If anger, sadness, or worry are devalued, they might be avoided or dismissed when they occur at low levels which can lead to a build-up of these emotions until they can no longer be denied and then they explode in a torrent of anxiety, overwhelm, and even panic.
To summarize:
Feelings labeled “bad” or “negative”
Devalued feelings avoided or suppressed
Build up of devalued emotions
Emotional overwhelm, panic, anxiety
So how do I break the cycle?
Luckily, just reading this blog has increased your awareness of what’s going on so you’ve taken the first step! Now that you’re aware of the way the cycle works, you can take action on your own behalf. In fact, each step in the emotional build-up process points us toward an intervention. Let’s see how:
Label feelings descriptively instead of with a value judgment
Ex: grief, frustration, exhaustion, fed up
Ask “What do these feelings want from me?”
Ex: Exhaustion might be asking us to slow down, rest, or set boundaries.
Check in with yourself regularly to avoid buildup.
Ex: “What have I found most enjoyable or rewarding today? What did I find most challenging? Why?”
Use emotional overwhelm as a signal that you might need to make a change.
Ex: “I notice I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. What’s one small change I could make to break this cycle?”
I hope this blog has helped you to see that though certain emotions might be devalued in society or in our families, all emotions can be rich sources of information. As always, learning about ourselves and making meaningful changes takes time and dedication. If you need support, please reach out!
All my best,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032
Therapist and Program Manager
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda
916-287-3430