3 Ways to Better Approach Change
Ivy Griffin
Change is hard. We've tried a million times to change in the past and it always works for a time before slowly reverting back to the way it was before. We feel tired, disappointed, and hopeless. “Why do I even try?” we ask ourselves. “There's got to be a better way”.
Here are three ways to better approach change:
Recognize the change that is already happening – You find yourself going back to old habits even though you told yourself you wouldn't. “Now I'm back at square one!” you say as you slump your shoulders in defeat. Here's where you can turn things around. One of the reasons change is so hard is because we imagine ourselves back at square one and give up because we're frustrated. In reality, change is constantly taking place even when we don't realize it. Challenge yourself to identify the differences between yourself today, last week, last month, last year. Oftentimes, it's when we stop looking for something that we find it so be sure to count the changes you weren't trying to make as well as the changes you were.
Focus on your values – “I'm just bad at exercise,” you say as you plunk down on a park bench after one lap. It's easy to lose motivation to “exercise 30 minutes a day” if exercise is not something that motivates you. It's time to identify what does motivate you. It will be different for everyone. What motivates me is being a better cat mom. I love my kitty but she can be a handful at times and I need all the patience I can muster. Getting out of the house and moving for a little while helps replenish my patience. Loved ones, mental health, and financial stability might be much more powerful motivators than exercise for the sake of exercise. What is most important to you?
Take smaller steps – In U.S. culture, we go big or go home — but this mindset applied to changes we're trying to make is a recipe for disaster. We end up setting the bar so high that falling short is inevitable. It's difficult, counterintuitive, and unpopular, but taking small steps is a powerful way to create meaningful and lasting change. How do we do this? Whatever you're trying to do, break it down into smaller and smaller steps until you can say, “Yes, I can absolutely do that.” For example, on days when movement is tough, try 10 squats, stretching for two minutes, or cleaning for 5 minutes.
On average, we shed all our skin every few weeks. Isn't that crazy? Every month or so, we have all new skin! Change is happening all the time in amazing ways – challenging ourselves to recognize this can give us a fresh perspective and help us to feel more appreciative and fulfilled. As always, if you'd like support making the changes that feel important to you, please reach out.
Warmly,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT # 129032
Therapist and Program Manager
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda