Teens and Mental Health Days

The term “Mental Health Day” has grown in popularity over the past few years.  This typically means taking sick time off work to treat our mental health with the same care and attention as our physical health.  Whether the intention is to take care of a family member (or just spend some extra quality time), relax and sleep in to relieve stress, or to regroup after a long week, taking care of our mental health is now more important than ever.  

For adults, Mental Health Days may be as simple as calling in to work and using sick time.  But for teens, especially with distance learning, a lot of parents have reservations about allowing their child to take a day off school when there is nothing physically wrong at the moment. 

So, here are some tips for addressing this new and sometimes polarizing topic:

Determining Pattern versus Purpose:  

I often hear parents express concern that their child will try to make a pattern out of taking a Mental Health Day as a way to ‘get out of’ school.  To address this, start by understanding what the purpose of the Mental Health Day would be.  Give them space to share what is going on in their world.  For the moment, just try to listen and only respond with clarifying questions, and avoid telling them what they should or shouldn’t do. 

Once you feel that you understand what they are experiencing, show them that you understand by summarizing or paraphrasing what they said (For bonus points, say something to show that you understand the emotions that they are expressing in the moment like, “I hear how overwhelmed you’re feeling” or “It’s really tough to be feeling so tired and unmotivated.”).  

Next, express any concerns you may have.  Sometimes parents are concerned that taking a day off from school will become a weekly or monthly occurrence.  Others worry that grades will fall further by missing instruction time.  Discuss what would need to change or improve by taking the Mental Health Day.  Would you want them to enter therapy if they express feeling constantly anxious or depressed?  Will they need to devote some or most of the day to catching up on school work or studying?  What would need to change or improve by taking a day off?

Teaching Problem Solving:

Next, treat the conversation of taking a day off as an opportunity to help your teen develop important problem solving skills.  Often when teens are stressed, their grades begin to suffer.  By putting the responsibility of explaining how a Mental Health Day will actually improve their grades, you are helping them with a life-long skill.  While there are lots of ways to teach this skill, the most important part is to not do this for them.  Instead, come up with a plan together and test it out.  If they are able to show an improvement, then the experiment of a Mental Health Day worked and may be revisited on a case by case basis. If not, it’s back to the drawing board.  

At the end of the day, whether your child is allowed to take a Mental Health Day or not, the important part is the conversation and support around mental health in general.  Engage with them and keep an open dialogue, checking in to show that you care and their wellbeing is important to you. This will validate that you care about how your teen is doing physically, mentally, and emotionally while reinforcing that you are a support for them and that you can work together to get through challenges.

Wishing you and your family all the best,

Ben

Ben Friday, LMFT #122263

He/His/Him

Thrive Therapy & Counseling

916-287-3430

thrivetherapyandcounseling.com

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