Accepting Tears
Ivy Griffin
Crying easily is something many HSPs deal with in their day-to-day life. There are times when your nerves feel raw or you feel like a water balloon and every person and situation you encounter has a pin that could cause you to burst into tears at any moment. Crying in front of others can feel quite vulnerable and many of us may have even had experiences of people reacting insensitively to our tears.
We may internalize messages that it’s not okay to cry, that it’s a sign of weakness, or that it’s somehow a burden on others. These messages may live inside our unconscious, creating tension, fear, and shame around expressing ourselves through tears. We may find ourselves apologizing for crying, isolating, or exerting tremendous effort not to cry. When we finally do let it out, it can feel as though we will never stop though we inevitably do. When we’re done, we may feel exhausted and embarrassed.
I have always cried easily. One of the things I’ve come to realize is that what’s even worse than the tears themselves is the way we talk to ourselves about crying and the way certain people respond to it. I’ve also come to realize that when we create an inner environment of acceptance, we can bring a sense of ease, catharsis, and even closeness to crying. How can we start to do this?
Identify some of the spoken and unspoken messages you’ve received about crying and where they come from. Though it may seem like we’ve always felt this way, no person is born believing it’s not okay to cry; it’s a natural instinct.
Try bringing to mind a real or imagined person, animal, or environment that helps you to feel acceptance about your tears.
The next time you feel like crying, instead of telling yourself not to, try telling yourself something like “You can cry as long as you need to” or “It’s okay to let it out” or “I can accept myself even when I cry”.
I want to emphasize that if someone has a problem with tears, it’s exactly that -- their problem. Healthy relationships have room for laughter and tears or even a mix of both. Over time, you may even find that you begin to feel grateful for your tears. They can be a sign of strength, love, connectedness, and empathy.
Growing our acceptance and compassion for ourselves is a continuous process. Know that if you need support, you can reach out.
Best,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT #129032
Clinical Lead
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda
916-287-3430