As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we may know ourselves to be conscientious, thoughtful, empathic and attuned to others’ emotional states. We might also be aware that these qualities make us much less likely to treat others harshly. Thus, experiencing uncomfortable emotions like resentment or jealousy or learning that we’ve hurt someone’s feelings may be particularly difficult for us. We may even start to question ourselves, “How could I feel this way? What’s wrong with me?” Let’s dive a little deeper to learn why we might feel this way and how we can better understand ourselves.
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When faced with the experience of being highly sensitive, confronted with all kinds of stimuli and narratives regarding how one “should” be in this world, it might be easy for HSPs to find themselves down the rabbit hole of cognitive distortions, a.k.a. thinking traps. These thinking traps present as an irrational or exaggerated thought pattern and when employed often enough can contribute to depression and anxiety. There are many thinking traps that can get us lost in a maze and lead us to believe there’s no way out of our negative circumstances. It would be difficult to name them all here today but there are some that I confront regularly in my practice and are worth acknowledging.
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The hot summer months can be a challenging time for highly sensitive people (HSPs). Though it’s only spring, those of us who are sensitive to heat are already dreading the increasingly hot days (and nights). With the hot weather and longer days, life can feel extra overwhelming. Even the most seemingly innocuous activities can leave you feeling overwhelmed and drained. Here are some tips for coping with rising temperatures as an HSP:
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I often hear the frustration and sadness and defeat in the voices of highly sensitive people (HSP) when they share how they become more emotional, overwhelmed, shut down, or worn out in situations that don’t seem to affect other people. This difference can make HSPs feel like outsiders, like there must be something wrong with them because they are “abnormal” compared to everyone around them.
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I often hear from highly sensitive people (HSPs) how different and alone they feel. “I’m too sensitive,” “I need to grow a thicker skin,” “Why can’t I just let it go like everyone else?” are common refrains. Such beliefs often stem from a lifetime of conscious and unconscious messages from well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning people about how there’s something wrong with the way you are. And, the reality is--highly sensitive people are not the norm. We know this because research has found that 15-20% of people in any given population in any given culture carry the personality trait of being highly sensitive.
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If we can let go of the dogma, the expectations, the institution of religion, the threat of morality etc. and can look at spirituality from the lens of “ that which we cannot see”, or curiosity, it can lead us into a world of supportive practices that are not just helpful to the soul (whether or not you believe in that sort of thing) but can also be helpful to our mental health.
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It’s no surprise that HSPs are overrepresented among the ranks of musicians and other artists in our society. Tapping into the imagination and being open and receptive to inspiration require a great degree of sensitivity. Yet there is a paradox here for creative folks. Artists are people who, on one hand, devote their energies to sharing their innermost worlds with listeners, viewers, audiences. Onstage, they are brash, bold, daring. Yet many crave solitude, need the nourishment of reflection, or retreat at a distance from the roar of the crowd.
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Highly sensitive people (HSPs) fall in love hard with soul shaking intensity!! They are also willing to put in the challenging work for their relationships. They have a giving nature and are likely to naturally put others needs before their own. Because they are so sensitive to others feelings, an HSP can feel like it is wrong to say “no” and since they are strongly empathic, the need to do something about another’s struggle is pressing. Unfortunately, another person could take advantage of an HSP’s need to help. If you combine that pressing need to be there for others with an HSP’s underlying thought that they are flawed it can become the perfect recipe for an unhealthy relationship or even become domestic violence.
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Crying easily is something many HSPs deal with in their day-to-day life. There are times when your nerves feel raw or you feel like a water balloon and every person and situation you encounter has a pin that could cause you to burst into tears at any moment. Crying in front of others can feel quite vulnerable and many of us may have even had experiences of people reacting insensitively to our tears.
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I was blown away when I learned that this was possible. I know, combining these two traits sounds like a total oxymoron, right? How can a person both be sensitive to stimuli and their environment, feel emotions deeply, be thoroughly analytical and think-before-acting AND want MORE intensity, excitement, adventure, newness? Well, because we human beings are incredibly complex! I also knew as soon as I heard the high sensation seeker (HSS) term that that must be me, just like I knew the instant I heard of a highly sensitive person (HSP) that I too was one.
Luckily, there’s also research to back up each of these traits. (Because, you know how we HSPs can overanalyze to the point we completely doubt ourselves.)
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