Domestic violence and the Highly sensitive person (HSP)
Ivy Griffin
Highly sensitive people (HSPs) fall in love hard with soul shaking intensity!! They are also willing to put in the challenging work for their relationships. They have a giving nature and are likely to naturally put others needs before their own. Because they are so sensitive to others feelings, an HSP can feel like it is wrong to say “no” and since they are strongly empathic, the need to do something about another’s struggle is pressing. Unfortunately, another person could take advantage of an HSP’s need to help. If you combine that pressing need to be there for others with an HSP’s underlying thought that they are flawed it can become the perfect recipe for an unhealthy relationship or even become domestic violence.
Nearly 7 in 10 women said domestic violence increased in their community since the pandemic began, according to a survey by the United Nations agency for gender equality, which concluded in September 2021. One in four women said they feel less safe at home during the pandemic. The unemployed, left dependent on the men in their lives, face an increased risk for abuse at a time when women are more likely to have lost jobs and been unable to regain them.
A typical perpetrator of domestic violence has narcissistic personality traits. The hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. They may also have grandiose fantasies and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. These characteristics typically begin in early adulthood and are consistently evident in multiple contexts, such as at work and in relationships.
Why do we see so many HSP’s with narcissists? HSPs are compassionate and empathetic–it is easy for them to see others' pain and feel tasked to help. Because they love so hard, HSPs can believe that their love can heal another person. In healthy relationships that intense love can be met with gratitude, praise, and love. This love feels wonderful to them, the HSP feels needed and important. But with an abusive person, your love is not the answer, only self-love can heal.
How to move on:
As an HSP healing from an abusive relationship, remind yourself that you do not need to depend on others for validation and you don’t need others to “need” you. Relying on others to feel good about yourself is always a losing strategy.
Set boundaries to keep yourself safe
Focus on your positive qualities that are not connected to your role in relationships
Use your empathy and sensitivity for people that really can benefit, as in volunteer work
Best wishes HSPs!!
Alexandra Garton, LMFT #84263
Thrive Therapy and Counseling
916-287-3430
http://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/alexandra-garton