Connect With Your Teen With The Universal Language Of Art And Music

Are you a parent who struggles to talk or with your teen? If the answer is yes I’m sure you won’t be shocked that you are not alone!  Sometimes it can feel like teenagers speak an entirely different language.  The teenage years can be so complicated, so many ups and downs, so much misunderstanding!  And in times of distress as a parent it is normal to want to have control, to experience anxiety for your child’s future and to focus on all the “ you shoulds” and “you need to”.  But when we focus so hard on who we want our teenager to be and what we believe they should do we miss out on their own authentic evolution and this often exacerbates self doubt and can even push them further away. 

Teenagers also often struggle to talk with their parent(s) out of fear of judgment or disappointment, feelings of embarrassment or frustration. Oftentimes, parents and teens alike struggle in seeing the other as a whole person with individual needs, thoughts and feelings. It is normal for a parent to only see their son, daughter or NB kiddo as just that, but not see them as a whole individuated person with their own lives, needs and feelings. Likewise, teenagers will often see their parents as only their parents and not as a person with needs, feelings, preferences, a whole history of experiences, trials, and tribulations. And sometimes, trying to talk just gets in the way of authentic connection. But there are other ways to connect with your teen! 

The universal language of art and music can be a helpful tool for connection. Modeling and sharing your preferences and appreciation for particular works of art or music can communicate to them information about what you love, what brings you joy, and your inner feelings. You can glean so much information about your teen, their emotional world, what interests them, what brings them joy, or what may soothe their sadness when you get a glimpse of the artistic aesthetics they appreciate. And while art or music might not give you specifics on what exactly your teen is going through or thinking, it is a way to share, promote connection, cultivate safety and have a sense of where they are at, while also respecting their privacy, individuality and independence. And we all know teens love that! Here are some ways you can engage in sharing music and art with your teen:

• Ask them to play their favorite song or share a piece of art. Listen or view without judgment.

• Demonstrate curiosity and openness when they’re sharing

• Go to a movie together of their choosing

• Offer to take them to a concert

• Share with them your favorite song or visual art

• Keep an ongoing text thread where you both share your art and music appreciations 

• Have an art or music date with your teen once a week, or every 2 weeks, or once a month

• Take an art or music class together

• Ask them to share a song or piece of art that resonates with how they feel 

• Share with them a song or a piece of art that resonates with how you feel

• Share with them art and music you loved as a teen, get real about how you felt as a teen to let them know they are not alone

And remember, when sharing, listening, and viewing with your teen, respect their vulnerability.  Practice awareness of your own judgements, assumptions, and projections, notice these and resist putting them on your teen. Practice curiosity to cultivate a safe, nonjudgmental space for sharing and connection, if your teen feels safe it is more likely they will come to you when they need you most!

Written by: Danielle Kardum, LMFT# 114847

Therapist and Supervisor

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